beauty

9Jul

A little bit of beauty in the dark…

Posted by: melissa in beauty, friendship, love, personal Comments Off on A little bit of beauty in the dark…

Today I woke up with the realization that even if I try to avoid it, the world is going to shit. When I logged onto the cyber world, I saw things that caused so much pain. And in all actuality, I thought people were talking/posting about events that took place two or three days ago. No, it happened again.

If you know anything about me, you know I don’t watch the news. You might actually know that it terrifies me. When I feel pain, I feel it deep. Today I cried. A lot.

I have no right to say I know anything about what is going on. But it scares me. I don’t know how it feels to be anything but a white girl who grew up in a small town less than a couple hours outside of Pittsburgh.

Tonight I went to a brewery to watch a friend play music. It was a simple night full of folky tunes, a one man band and people that have supported each other since high school. The thing I love about music is it brings people together. I, along with people I adore, sat at a picnic table with a family we had never met.

You know when you feel kind of off? You’re like, ok, maybe I’m tired from the day, maybe I came to do what I needed to do, maybe I am just here to support whoever at the moment. That was me tonight. I was tired and actually just wanted an early evening.

But there was a family there and they talked to us. A small conversation about a T-shirt led to so much more. This man and woman were out with their 21-year-old son. He is a student at Penn State. A student who, and I quote, they were okay with being a garbage man because he struggled so much academically. A student who was enrolled in private school. This guy, who sat across the table from me and taught me about Pokemon Go, who is going to be an engineer, got in trouble at his private school because at a young age he was reading books that talked about magic. These books are what helped him learn to read. And although this was frowned upon, his parents stood by him. They ended up removing him from the school because it was what was best for him.

They also stood by their other son. He’s gay. I sat next to his dad, who told us when his son told him he responded with please just go be happy. Live your life. And for the who knows how many times today, I cried. These people probably thought I was insane.

I also sat there and talked to the mother. The mother of these amazing kids. The younger son who made me feel old because, my gosh, when was Pokemon even a thing? And the other, who came out to his grandparents after the shootings in Orlando. And I got to hear her story. And let me just say it wasn’t a good one. But she let me in. I’m not sure why she felt comfortable telling me this story she had never told anyone else, but she did. And I know I helped her. What she didn’t know is how much she helped me.

Tonight I listed to music and talked to amazing people. I cried with them over the ugly parts of this world. Tonight I remembered there is still good in this world. And I left feeling a little bit lighter.

16Jun

A little bit of shine…

Posted by: melissa in about me, beauty, health, mental health, nature, wellness Comments Off on A little bit of shine…

There are fireflies out tonight and it reminds me of home. I remember my mom taking me to catch them and being afraid. There are fireflies out tonight and it reminds me all things beautiful could have a dark side. There are fireflies out tonight and I can’t think of a better use for my mason jars…

When I was in eleventh grade I submitted a story to Glamour magazine. Us girls, we started reading those magazines when we were so young. First Teen Bop, then Seventeen, even Delia’s messed with us. The glamorization of life so early on can really mess with a girl. Not that it isn’t 100 times worse now, but man do I remember.

The article I submitted to Glamour was for a contest. A life changing story, they said. Something that affected you on a personal level. I remember reading the winning story and thinking, wow, everything isn’t so bad. But it was.

I think that on some level we can all relate to the feeling of self hate, loneliness, rejection. I mean we are all human, right? When I submitted the story, I was sure I would “win”. I was sure my story was different enough. Maybe one person wanted to hear it. Because at the time, it was all I needed. At the time, I just wanted someone to relate to me.

The story was about my anorexia and bulimia. I struggled severely for a couple years in high school and “moderately” for the rest of my life. It was not something my family or friends understood or could deal with. It was just (and has been) this thing that lives in my head.

When I submitted the story, I wanted to be heard. Not by the world, but by one person. If one person could relate and tell me it would be ok, maybe I would be ok.

But the truth is. And this is something I have learned in the last however many years since I was starving myself daily, only I can do that. Since then I have struggled with a lot mental things. A lot of issues with my body and and my mind. And in the end, it all comes back to me.

I have been a size 0 and a size 12 and the only thing I have found to make me happy is …well … me.

I have been told on numerous occasions that I, not unlike the fireflies, have a glow. I have been told I have a contagious energy and eyes that can draw someone in. Awesome, right? But until I see that (and until you see that in you), it will all stand still.

If you look around, you can see a firefly in the daytime, but after the dark is when they really shine. Did you know they can synchronize with others and glow together?

I remember writing the story and thinking if I get this out, I will feel better and someone else will feel better. And I couldn’t help but think of it tonight when I saw the fireflies. I kinda love that they only come out when it’s warm (I mean who can blame them?). And I kinda like to picture them at a luau, wearing colorful skirts and dancing.

Regardless, they shine. In a world of dark, they shine … because they can. And, I guess what I’m trying to say is … so can you.

18Apr

A little bit of mental health…

Posted by: melissa in about me, beauty, mental health, personal, social media, technology, wellness Comments Off on A little bit of mental health…

This morning I came across two different articles talking about social media and depression. The first one was a study by the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. The study outlines the correlation between social media use and depression in people ages 19 to 32. Minutes later, I saw another article pop up in my Twitter feed. This one talks about how people with mental health issues can benefit from social media. Kinda crazy, right?

I mean, I understand both sides. Social media provides a place for us to share our lives, stories, pictures, etc. The problem with this is that everything is usually filtered through rose colored glasses. Believe me, I know. I love social media. I love sharing. I love reading people’s posts. For me, I don’t have the jealousy bone, which plagues many people on social media. But I did use it to tap out of my life for a bit.

The past year or so, I have suffered from a lot of different issues. I am not here to broadcast all the nitty gritty, but I’m sure you can image. If you look through my social media posts, you can’t see any of this. But I do. I see it in my eyes. I see it in my lack of enthusiasm. It’s there, but it’s covered with a filter.

Social media, although amazing, gives everyone a platform to be a one upper. This can really mess with your head. Like why is his life so cool? She’s always so happy. And so on and so on. I can’t imagine growing up with Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. When I was a teenager, we were just beginning to explore chat rooms and talking on AIM and ICQ. The online competition wasn’t there and the bullying wasn’t anything like it is today. It was more like HOLY CRAP I CAN CHAT WITH MY FRIENDS assuming you didn’t get a phone call, which kicked you off the Internet. I feel old just writing this crap.

Unfortunately, Internet trolls and insecurities are a hard thing to tackle. So, like a lot of situations, I think it’s important to focus on the positive. Social media provides us with an opportunity to connect with people we probably would never have met. In situations where a person is suffering from anything, whether it’s depression, anxiety, loneliness, WHATEVER messed up thing our brain is telling us that day, this can be life changing.

A lot of people don’t understand mental illness and I get it. It can be a scary thing to watch someone you love go through. Like just feel better, right? I mean that’s just it. The stigma surrounding mental illness is part of the problem. People deal with sadness and loneliness and on top of that they are looked down upon or isolated even more because people just don’t understand. I have been reading so much over the past year about depression and anxiety, eating disorders and how people cope. And, the amazing thing was, it wasn’t hard to find. There are blogs and forums, support groups and people standing beside complete strangers. And, it is really f*cking beautiful.

May is Mental Health Month, and I hope that you will take the time to learn a little more, reach out to someone you know is struggling. Or maybe even get some help for yourself.

30Mar

A little bit of do-it-yourself beauty…

Posted by: melissa in about me, beauty, do-it-yourself, makeup Comments Off on A little bit of do-it-yourself beauty…

Yesterday I put glue on my nose. That’s right, Elmer’s glue. No, I am not crazy (shut it, friends). I was working from home yesterday and The Doctors came on TV. I don’t watch this show, but when I am home my TV is set to NBC pretty much all day. Anyway, they were discussing some YouTube sensation who used glue to remove blackheads. I am a bit obsessed with blackheads and pimples. It’s gross. I actually rewound the episode because I wasn’t paying attention. In the end, the dermatologist said its a bad idea and not to try it at home.

Well, I don’t like to listen. And I didn’t quite catch the girl’s name, so ended up at YouTube’s SweetCandyLine’s page. In the comments, Tamia Garner states ‘CL is queen’, so I knew I was ok. The concept is simple, you put Elmer’s glue on your nose and let it dry. Then, and this is the fun part, you get to peel it off. And guess what? It worked!

It got me thinking about the weird things women do to their bodies and the things I have tried over the years. I have been using Vitamin E under my eyes to erase bags and dark circles (another obsession), and again, just yesterday I had my face slathered up. Some guy came to my door and asked to repave my driveway. It wasn’t until he left that I realized I looked like Slimer. Poor guy.

Then there was the time in high school I made oatmeal face masks with a friend of mine. Seems normal, right? After we wiped the masks off our faces, we made no-bake cookies. Main ingredient? Oatmeal. That is just disgusting. Also, she better be glad I don’t have the pictures.

164H If there was something that promised to make me beautiful, I tried it. Remember the horse shampoo from the 90’s? It promised to make our hair fuller, stronger, longer and healthier-looking. I don’t know what I was thinking. I spent most of my teenage years trying to tame my thick hair. I went through another stage where I’d let my friends give me highlights. But not like pull the hair through a cap highlights. Just streaked on highlights. I went through a lot of high school with blonde stripes in my hair. Oh man.

I am sure there are plenty more, but it’s early and I am running out of coffee. Girls (and guys!), I want to hear your do-it-yourself beauty stories. Both good and bad.